## January

@AndyOvine that picture is brilliant!

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Yeah I'm pretty good at maths

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considering reusing my 1kg dairy milk wrapper as a document wallet

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getting sick of top gear's weekly "you couldn't make it up!" moment

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wheeee I love Michel Legrand's Paris Jazz Piano!

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Maths aid is eerily quiet today

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Moliere the film is some Grade A trash but I loves it

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@aperfect not where YOU are. That's maaaaaaaaaaaths!

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" lxgr'l'hyr=lxrlyr, or gr'l'h=rl. " Yep, that's what I do all day. No, I'm not a Klingon.

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@JSlayerUK report it to the council and then shake with impotent rage.

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FINISHED RIMLINGER!!!!!!!!!!

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@aperfect posh new bbc recordings tickets site - http://tinyurl.com/yengu5y

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the human condition: it is really difficult to look in someone else's utensils drawer and find the garlic crusher

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oh dear, I think I want to switch to analysis. How can I do this without my supervisor noticing?

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used my two free hours this morning to clean the house; now I'm too knackered to do anything else

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wahey! I'm finally on the first page of google for "christian perfect"! take that, bible fans!

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I am going loco trying to conserve kinetic energy in a model of a 2d elastic collision! Aaaaaaah!

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complaining about a problem immediately leads to its solution - I had written the kinetic energy formula down wrong

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there's this weird foam floating down the street...

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I wish the uniqlock was the only thing in the world

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Not happy about riding a scotrail train in Northumberland. Checked the back for a livestock carriage when I got off.

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yep, pretty bored. Where are all the students?

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@Gelada what open source computer assessment software would you prefer? I'm in a similar situation

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today is like my anti-birthday. So far I've sprained my wrist and my car battery has died. What else could happen?

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oh wow, mathjax is exactly what we need! http://tinyurl.com/yfzprsx

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Going to see the ny met opera live broadcast at tyneside cinema.

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crikey, sunderland really are bad at football, aren't they?

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might start one of those harsh photoblogs, called "photos of groups of mathematicians". We are really not photogenic.

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The man opposite me looks like a business man but is scrawling on a pad of paper like a complete nutso. Maybe he's just trying out a new pen

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Mr accordion busker man, a tip: do not busk with your accordion within earshot of the other accordion busker man

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the milling on copella bottle lids is quite sharp. #middleclassstruggle

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@aperfect YES

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there are not many logician-comedians: "Kleeneliness is next to Gödeliness"

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@aperfect there is also wahaca

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@peterrowlett must confess I saw it on Wikipedia and couldn't resist tweeting it. Got a few new followers as a result!

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@jefferickson could you explain that one please? Are 'Pillsbury' topoi an actual thing or did you put that in to make the joke work?

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making a directed semantic graph of the topics dealt with at maths-aid because I take my work too seriously

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I've had a pretty fun night making this http://tinyurl.com/yahsvgn

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I will call my first son Genre, pronounced "Henry". Thanks, TV!

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SENOR DEMANDS NACHOS!!!

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@standupmaths I'd say he looks beside himself with anger but I'm not sure how to tell for sure

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"Has Elvis left the building? Location of rockstars in non-Euclidean geometries, C Perfect 2010" (inspired by @standupmaths)

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I just saw two foxes run across the metro track! Real proper foxes with bushy fox tails and red fox hair and everything!

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@kenfodder happy birthday!

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just realised I've been reading the wrong paper for the past week! No wonder it didn't say anything like what it was supposed to.

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@beefok if you need any help with diff eqs, I'm around

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@JSlayerUK you might be low on electrolytes, or salt.

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Somebody come to north shields tesco and stop me buying all the posh food please

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when I picked this beef steak up I started salivating like a dog. Beef: better than bacon?

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never try to explain cantor's diagonalisation argument to your software engineer father

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From the looks one the faces of the dudes on the metro, I assumed nufc had lost. I will never understand the toon army

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This jazz solo is a bit too real for me. I wonder if the other people on the metro can tell that my mind is being blown to pieces

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@JSlayerUK that backslash is to get the LaTeX symbol for pi.

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@standupmaths what age range are these kits aimed at?

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oh crikey! that is a proper blizzard out there! what's going on?

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## February

just peeled a lot of my finger off

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reading the worst possible explanation of what category theory is. My enthusiasm is waning

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@aperfect fungible micro-products, integer-derived plus-selling. Automatic consensus?

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oh lordy I had even forgotten that the TeX for 'times' is... \times !

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@peterrowlett that's v interesting! I'm 'disabled' due to asperger's. I'm sure once the new diagnosed cohort go to uni, that % will increase

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I've started a blog to write up notes about my research (and practice my LaTeX skills): http://bit.ly/9whxl7

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new metric of indie hipness: proportion of shazam tagging attempts that fail

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Fell victim to pernicious combinatorics in Boots. If I'd picked up a snack and another six-pack of tissues, it would've cost me a pound less

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Mr Efficient is on the metro. He folds his paper in half twice, neatly. He puts it in his satchel in one movement. He wears a scarf.

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@Bishnavitch sebastien tellier

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Poserphones: noise-cancelling headphones that play the trendy music of the day outwards while you listen to Leona Lewis in total secrecy

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Had breakfast at the serpentine bar and kitchen. Very nice!

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@JSlayerUK oh wow, that story has it all!

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doodle #1 http://brizzly.com/pic/1E5K

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A thousand curses on Springer-Verlag and their ridiculous fees for downloadable papers!

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yep, walked the wrong way down an escalator.

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@brittneybean who collects subscription fees?

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aha, a breakthrough! thesis not ruined after all!

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@standupmaths say what you like about flog it and its ilk but they're the only format left not to have a "celebrity" version

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@standupmaths clearly I don't watch enough daytime telly. I suppose there's been a celebrity edition of Jeremy Kyle as well?

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New mathem-o-blog post: Serre's Graphs and Trees (http://bit.ly/caEnl4)

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>write paper.
I'm sorry, you don't understand that
>write paper.
I'm sorry, you don't understand that!

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@kenfodder "snail mail" always makes me think of Live 'n' Kicking on Saturday mornings

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feeling very autistic today. threw a wobbly at the clingfilm because it split down the middle, then walked around the flat humming for a bit

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why can't food wait until it's ready to eat before it smells so tasty?

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bonza! found a cross country train going to Newcastle that's completely empty. so long, half term kids!

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@aperfect nice! I might use that for the outreach website.

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Mr Serious is on the metro. He wears a black coat with a reassuring texture. He puts on his black gloves. He likes how warm they are.

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@aperfect HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh my god, a box!

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@standupmaths wot no reynolds number joke?

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crikey, 25% of this paper is the bibliography. Five pages!

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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah I can see the fnords aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

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sign me up to www.girlsinwelliesteasingtheirdogwithabunchofseaweedonthebeach.com please

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@aperfect you are your father's son

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thank you, spotty youth in john Lewis, for finding me chopsticks just before closing time

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@kenfodder so it *is* a G!

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no way have I caught yet another cold. Have I offended my immune system?

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I don't like listening to live recordings on my headphones because they have a reverb as if they're being played out loud

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bought two boxes of tissues but left them on the metro. now there'll be a bomb scare *and* I'm still snotty!

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@aperfect yep, that link doesn't work for me

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@brittneybean because it's for kids and kids like colourful things, viz. the OLPC

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chalking up some future maths in OneNote. Draw with pen, scroll with finger, clever handwriting recognition. It's the way of the future!

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maybe burger king exploded? there are alarms and Northumberland street smells of beef

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made sure not to forget my shopping bag this time; forgot my backpack instead

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next time I need to fry an egg I will take it to the new bit of Eldon Square where it is hot enough for that to happen

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@JSlayerUK you live in the wrong bit of the country!

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@badmachinery BRAVO! I will pass this off as my own to the rest of the maths department on Monday

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@peterrowlett @Gelada interesting podcast this week! I do find most episodes quite whispery though, could you put your best radio voice on?

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@GreyAlien how do they stop? feet?

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@dumbfirefly I've seen the same asked about agrarian society. not in glossy fashion magazines, though

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Good tutoring today, student much brighter than expected. She sat module 3 after only three weeks, got an E. What's going on in schools?

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New mathem-o-blog post: Computable Groups (http://cli.gs/GLTED)

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just saw some class war happening. policeman stopped a guy just for wearing Kappa

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@standupmaths I'm not too fond of that proof because shearing doesn't happen in real life, so it's not convincing without a bit more thought

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@Gelada as a wireframe, yes. It's not too obvious the enclosed area stays the same though. Just an intuition thing, I suppose.

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defined a \fgoagog command in LaTeX. Having a good day.

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@standupmaths that book is following in the fine tradition of Byrne's translation of Euclid's elements: http://bit.ly/9kz7v6

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@standupmaths that day could be the 1st of May if you order the taschen reprint

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stuck in a (maths -> facebook -> maths -> twitter -> maths -> food) loop

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@JSlayerUK oh my God that is brilliant! that news is like a late Christmas present from Schaden Claus

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@alexbellos I will do that because I've just seen the American title and it is just as bad a pun as the British one

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did too many things today. My mind is a blank and I am unable to do anything until bedtime.

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this is a very interesting paper http://bit.ly/aH0s3z

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typing blue plaque locations into google maps, whose search is entirely failing me. Fairly sure I'm looking at nelson street, google!

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@mathpunk I thought you had that game wrong in the interview, but thought saying so on twitter would be too snarky. Makes more sense now!

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I've put the locations of all the blue plaques in Newcastle on google maps: http://bit.ly/brW9oP . I intend to photograph them all

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waaaayyyyy canada! I expect the Queen to deliver a message of congratulation tomorrow

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## March

Why do Southern Electric need a minibus? New biofuel initiative?

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some ill dog has been painting the pavements of tynemouth a rich brown

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@JSlayerUK religious people are quite keen on them

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@JSlayerUK religious people vote. I really think that's the top and bottom of it.

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@alexbellos free book to the first person without any tweets to RT you?

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@Gelada it has always annoyed me that the JUM has no abstracts. The maths might be unpublishable, but I might want to cite it all the same!

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New mathem-o-blog post: Groups and the Grzegorczyk Hierarchy (http://bit.ly/bFslED)

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@GreyAlien The Pru deal and the fact the tories aren't going to win the election. The Today programme told me so, so it must be true

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@alexbellos another vote for John Conway, didn't think about it for too long though

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@JSlayerUK and can you believe some people press the lift button more than once even though it doesn't help? I bet that winds you right up!

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Micro Chips! I am twelve again

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@standupmaths I'm sure there's a niche for a channel with 37-minute programmes so it's always out of phase with other channels' ad breaks

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@peterrowlett I can see it

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wow, £4.99 for a thermos bottle but £34.99 if I want hannah montana on it. I think I can tell what my parenting style will be.

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Swype is a very nice alternative keyboard for android. Very fast!

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Newcastle have a goal difference of 40. That is insane.

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still haven't forgiven the person who renamed Toppers to Frosted Wheats

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@aperfect nice picture

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Very good article - RT @Math_Bits: What were Einstein and Gödel talking about? http://bit.ly/cZcZV2

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wahey, got JMEs working in SCORM! Took me a day, after waiting since November for the specs.

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some element of what I ate today has poisoned me

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going to the toilet with a feeling of trepidation is no way to live

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new f1 season, IPL starting, and a new cabinet magazine! A relatively good time to be ill, really.

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wow, I've lost almost a stone since I (1) started taking the stairs instead of the lift and (2) caught gastroenteritis

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hah! West Gate Community College is now called 'Excelsior Academy'! Was Mr Wakelam involved?

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.@mathematicsprof forget all that, I'm preparing for one big blow-out megaparty in Graham's Year

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@Gelada I'm sure we can find a home for it at the Newcastle Uni maths department

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@Gelada Maybe get in touch with our MathSoc - http://bit.ly/cinjgP

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@brittneybean I imagine Florida is full of those now

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Dead wasp on the pavement.that's wrong in a couple of ways

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@aperfect what they mean is he didn't attack a WPC

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@JSlayerUK stage left or your left? Ken might be offended!

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ah, there it is! http://bit.ly/9PyClM "dangerous knowledge" - superb documentary about cantor and infinity and so on

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what do you do when your phone has failed three times to send a message saying, "never mind"?

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el Michels Affair sounds far too much like Menahen Street Band

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making all kinds of noises about these burgers

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@aperfect more to the point, who even remembers domain names any more?

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just noticed that gazza is holding a bottle of broon in the mural at monument metro. How unfortunate.

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oh no, now the bad juju is messing with the TV signal! This must be killing me somehow

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Dreamt last night that I had a new kitchen from john lewis. It was beautiful!

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The Ball With the Scary Noise In It is now an un-toy according to the dog. He walked right over it and refuses to acknowledge its existence

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@fumbleweeds hello, who are you?

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@fumbleweeds he's married! Crikey! Nice to meet you, and so on. Thanks re. feeds

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@mathpunk at least you can say it's not cooperating today, and not at various moments sprinkled throughout history

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it's only 9am and I've already heard the phrase "hot and cold running chicks" twice

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I must find a way to become a member of the Mathematical Society of Traffic Flow

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@brittneybean that sounds like the kind of event rolling news channels turn up to

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the jazz soundtrack to my life has returned! Today will go pleasingly, hep cats

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oh good god, "lizzie and sarah" is absolutely the most harrowing comedy programme I have ever seen. My perfect day is ruined already!

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haven't heard of most of them, oh dear! RT @nulibsage: Most influential British women in history of science http://bit.ly/d3iWLt

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@standupmaths how do I know you're not the person who stole Matt's phone and the password hasn't in fact been changed?

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@brittneybean Nokia bh-501 - http://bit.ly/b227wa I like them a lot but I am not an audiophile. They work with every device I've tried.

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@divbyzero the princeton companion to mathematics has a very good (and long) article about maths and music, fi you can get hold of a copy

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Things I am tired of seeing in "maths art": the fibonacci series, the golden ratio, mobius strips, klein bottles. Think of something new!

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@aperfect which makes it not even maths

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@Gelada "there are some animations here" in the caption for the polytope image doesn't have a link attached - shouldn't there be one?

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There are many be-flat-capped men pacing around the station. Something's up, but what?

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@aperfect yeah that's my new vampire weekend tribute band

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@Gelada very good article, I should have said as well!

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Had loads of fun making origami prisms and pyramids to help my tutee with geometry

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@badmachinery that kind of joke is why you are the UK's top professional web cartoonist. All is forgiven!

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I've been trying all day to procrastinate by chatting and nobody has co-operated!

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@nulibsage did rather better on that one thanks. No, I didn't know about Elizabeth Garrett Anderson, and that's what made me remark

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Fog is optical communism

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@standupmaths I'm sure the barbican is ripe for some topology or graph theory puzzles: pick a random visible walkway then try to get there.

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@rockhyrax turnitin?

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@brittneybean because the only content anyone would conceivably pay for is editorial and investigative pieces - breaking news is everywhere

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@JSlayerUK Papal infallibility only applies to ex cathedra statements, ie ones where he specifically says "This is for reals yo"

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@JSlayerUK PS 'nonce' is a horrible word

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@trackinthebox don't share your taste most of the time, but I really like Thomas Tantrum in that list.

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@fumbleweeds does it give the same results for everybody?

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was forcing myself to keep working and do a 9 to 5, until I realised I started at 7. Free, free, finally free!

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why do girls in burger places always give me a bigger burger than the one I ordered?

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Seagulls in clear morning light giving me flashbacks of the bbc four ident

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Mathsy arts beyond the usual fibonacci rubbish (after the first 10 or so, at least) - really cool stuff http://bit.ly/cobH4F

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@JSlayerUK I am, but I don't think where I am is interesting information

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"Eggs are... just a brainwave, aren't they?" - Mum

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## April

@NewcastleCC was there ever any truth in that civic centre rabbits story?

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My nana looks like Little Miss Stalin in that coat

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@NewcastleCC thanks, all my colleagues in the maths department have been inviting me to the facebook group. You'd think they'd know better!

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Just realized I have a philosophical objection to -54 being a number

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I've started a public collection of interesting maths finds on Mendeley - http://bit.ly/9o2a6Q

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@alexbellos I bought my non-mathematician mum your book for her birthday and she says it is very good and accessible. Well done!

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I have joined the dog in being scared of the washing machine

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New mathem-o-blog post: Interesting papers collection (http://bit.ly/baPzeD)

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the Tory Action Squad has been deployed to tynemouth metro station. Will they start a social enterprise to pick up the discarded leaflets?

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@standupmaths mathematicians who live on-campus make up a non-commutative group

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the BBC site invites me to "watch Jeremy Vine's intro" or "start swinging" - I always knew he looked the type

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my mathem-o-relative (Hazel Perfect) has an Erdos number of 2! Now I just need to track her down and co-author a paper and all will be super

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gosh it's warm!

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@mathpunk what would that involve?

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@mathpunk so you'd want a git repository with a nice frontend that does word/latex/etc. ?

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so domino's hot pizzas are actually hot now. At least they don't give me the squirties any more

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Saw mr lomas on the street. He didn't recognise me. Disappointed.

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@brittneybean become one of us! all you have to do is answer 20 inane questions about pub etiquette and swear allegiance to an old german

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@aperfect ahhhh wowwww that looks good!

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@aperfect went well, told some jokes

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how is Morning OJ meant to cohabit with Morning Toothbrushing?

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Time to use the services of Mr Shavington-Smyth; my chin wants to enjoy the sunny weather.

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oh gosh this looks useful: MathOnline — a compendium of free online mathematical references http://bit.ly/czEybK

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@mendeley_com does there exist an RSS feed of all my shared collections?

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having major rotation/reflection issues with printing this PDF. I want to make an A5 booklet, but learn not from my mistakes each printing.

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this rain smells lovely! is the volcano responsible? Full of volcanicity! http://bit.ly/c3HEwQ

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I think the old man two doors up fancies me

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@kenfodder I imagine you writing these tweets in a room occupied by yourself and one other person.

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must stop watching music videos of pretty singers on youtube. Must write maths instead. I think that's how I want my life to be, I think.

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Maths Improv sessions on google wave: you ask questions, I write maths. Does that sound fun?

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@peterrowlett I wish I could attend that first one, I've been trying to use tablet pcs in teaching for years

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oh yes, check out the titles available on the co-op registration form: http://bit.ly/9CImXr

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@brittneybean Are you even kidding? That is an awful name for one of the best things about childhood

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@rockhyrax woolly jumpers seem to be the unisex uniform of choice for mathematicians. Think Boden.

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@rockhyrax you are going to classier maths conferences than I am. Maybe I will raise the tone next time round with a zoot suit.

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@rockhyrax wearing a zoot suit is one of those ambitions I will never dare fulfil. On reflection, no it would not raise the tone.

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just pulled out a snot with the consistency of marmalade.

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I can see the fnords and they are in EDI's code! It displays '3*3' as '33'!! INCONCEIVABLE!

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I hereby resign my membership of the set of people who can make a caesar salad without completely messing it up

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I wonder how the pilot of the Enola Gay felt about becoming the killingest person ever

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Kant: "what is beauty?" --- cp: "www.uniqlock.jp"

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wow a real turing machine - http://bit.ly/97yICp

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@Htbaa works for me. Is this pursuant to the thing about a modules listing on the bb.com forums?

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@JSlayerUK it is only newspaper tycoons who do that. There are plenty of people in the world for you!

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had a dream I went back to school and in assembly they did a big song and dance number about the times rich list. What was that bout?

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I know dockers make 36 leg trousers because I own two pairs. So why does their site not go beyond 32L?

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@peterrowlett that's exactly the kind of title that gets me funny looks when I explain what I do to non-mathematicians

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@AndyOvine sounds like you had a nice day

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@MathJax I'm using MathJax and the badge on http://bit.ly/9whxl7

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@MathJax cool! I'm making an online exam system using mathjax for newcastle uni as well, but that isn't ready yet. WP was v easy to set up.

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I think I might buy some paint

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left-handed smileys are the devil's work. #selfhatingsinistromanualist

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@trackinthebox I'm not sure if "Boots" by Nancy Sinatra counts, because it is a classy tune

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@aperfect you're blogging it wrong

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Just gave my seat to an old lady. Forgot that I'm going the long way round the metro line. Hope she gets off soon

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hooray, finally! RT @MendeleySupport: ...Lots of little tweaks, but best of all, a new search feature for our catalog: http://bit.ly/d8BaG0

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@JSlayerUK I have the same thing but with rocket cars. With me I think it's that I have no presence of mind, so they make me stop and look.

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super! my tutee lost the memory stick with all her coursework on it, so I don't have to tutor her today!

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square spaghetti is confusing me :(

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@nulibsage I don't understand the e-shelf e-books thing. When it says the library will be charged for a loan, will that be passed on to me?

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convinced Bill I needed to rewrite most of our code. Not sure how he'll react when I tell him we only need to change like two things

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Borrowed a Sony Reader from the library. It is the future, as seen from the 1980s.

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## May

Watching armida at the tyneside with my nana. I've never been in a room with so many old people. I can't stand Renee Fleming either!

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Well, the ballet bit was good. Only another hour and a half to go!

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This blackbird is breaking out the freshest beats to find a mate

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@divbyzero graphviz is pretty easy to get into.

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@rockhyrax that seems to be what they've defined it to be: http://bit.ly/9JQvDk

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@rockhyrax actually, wikipedia is more definitive in re the definition: http://bit.ly/biZb0v

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yep so I'm drawing deep-sea cowboys and it is like the best thing I've thought of this year

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Yep, these new trousers are pretty special

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@kenfodder truth.

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@brittneybean it looks like the london skyline sticker from www.hu2.com , but it's slightly different. I wonder where they got it?

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@princesszelda you're getting less picky, yesterday there were like three other criteria. #randomtwitterheckle

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Fat flute man has upgraded to a clarinet, and is playing a topical tune - "I can see clearly now the rain has gone"

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Is fat flute man's clarinet purchase a green shoot if recovery? Is the recession over? Should I vote Labour tomorrow after all?

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@ColinTheMathmo I'm going to the IMA thing and I've registered for mathsjam, but £150 is a bit much - will there be any help for students?

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@aperfect that is the single cleverest thing I have seen today, and I'm in the maths department

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heading for a third consecutive weekend spent visiting Alnwick

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@JSlayerUK tl;dr

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there's a leak in the tyne tunnel.. oh goooood, the tories are ruining Britain already!

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my mathem-o-blog is now at http://checkmyworking.com

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to those interested: have a look at my clever web maths exam thing at http://is.gd/c0csr (still in development)

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@quarklet ah yes, so I do. Thanks!

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too many Toppers, not enough milk. #stupidsunday

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Sat next to a tiny woman on a small bench. Too early for my brain to cope. Feel like Gulliver

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Ok, one person taking their hamster on the metro is odd, but two is a pattern. What's up?

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@rockhyrax do such things happen? Does the Big Lottery Fund pay for a massive wheel they can all run in?

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in the Brave New Tory Future, I might take up swearing

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Opening a sweepstakes on first tory outrage. My bet - disbandment of guide dogs for the blind, national service for all pet dogs instead.

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didn't plan the run-up to exam season well; now eating five meals a day to catch up. My role-model is "Hunter" from 90s gladiators.

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the SAgE survey has an "agree/disagree/etc" section with a final question where I can make up my own statement to agree with. "I like dogs"?

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@theyellowstereo just in time for my emusic subscription renewing! I like the new post layout, too

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I bet leather elbow patches would give me a sufficient look of authority to disperse these King's students crowding the platform. Oh well.

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is anyone going to the Late Shows?

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@Bishnavitch to roots and wings? What's the plan, I couldn't work out from facebook

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@JSlayerUK send it to cp

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@Gelada this mathematician doesn't know it happened!

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The clockword puzzlers are on the metro. They have matching pens and spectacles. Neither one has solved number 11 ('emblem')

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@stewartandco how much are the BBQs? I've moved away from jesmond but there's no good butcher here so might come back on a sunny day

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New mathem-o-blog post: The computability of a fgoagog (intro) (http://bit.ly/bt49bX)

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why does Lui's only start serving breakfast at 9am? I'm hungry now and I need to be in town by 9! A posh bacon roll would have done nicely

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"New Labour isn't new any more. What I'm interested in is next Labour. Blairites, Brownites, that's past" - David Miliband is next grammar

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@MathJax I can't get \nmid to work in beta 2. It's in AMSsymbols.js, but using it gives an error

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@rockhyrax maybe it was an old bee, and it kept forgetting what it came in for. Put out a thimbleful of horlicks and see if it takes a sip

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maths sock! http://is.gd/cbz2B

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today I have eaten only tomato soup, coca cola, and pepperoni pizza. It's the worst my mouth has ever felt.

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thanks to google there are no more neologisms. Well, "increasative" hasn't been used in any of my citations, so I can coin it in this paper

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Whoops, stopped in the middle of tesco to prove a lemma. Not sure how long I was stood there, but it seems to have stopped raining.

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@peterrowlett fibonacci satire! http://is.gd/cd0vr

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@brittneybean they probably don't sell enough ads to do precise targeting yet

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@JSlayerUK a = bc + r ; b = cd + s, etc. etc. etc.

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@MathJax no I don't, because I'm stupid. Thanks!

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@rockhyrax I find it satisfying when wild animals appear more than once. It's like they're real things and not just anonymous automata

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@peterrowlett it was ok. I wasn't really there long enough to get the most out of it. Met a few people, but not sure I'll go next year

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@Bishnavitch generic skater tweet day?

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Three minutes and counting since my code started computing the next prime after 7. Don't worry, I know what I'm doing.

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@rockhyrax I'm building all computable functions up from three primitives - zero, successor, projection. Working towards http://is.gd/cgtWv

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Advanced selection methods will produce most virile being in universe: http://is.gd/cguew . We're all (going to be) screwed!

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@standupmaths I'm laughing but it is a despairing laugh. That's just awful.

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This woman has the biggest possible nose. A caricaturist would draw it very small because going bigger just wouldn't look any different

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@rockhyrax it did, but I haven't tried the one after that yet. I might cheat a bit just so I can get the first hundred primes before I die

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@rockhyrax I need to encode lists using Godel numbers, which relies on prime factorisations.

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yowza, the hot stuff chilli company weren't joking! Trying to think of ways to go to the toilet without touching my winkle now.

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@princesszelda why are you thinking about make up at six in the morning?

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15,000 proverbs about women from around the world: http://is.gd/ciJse . Some are really pleasant, others are rather mean

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At the RHS gardens near harrogate, wearing a Panama hat and deciding to get an allotment. I'm like Benjamin Button with lifestyle choices

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@GreyAlien lots of chiasmus in your tweets lately. Appreciated!

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In gbk!!!!!

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went to a different country today - Yorkshire. Feel inadequate and provincial now

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cleaned my patio very thoroughly and swept all the old leaves away, and now my neighbour's just thrown their clippings over the wall. Poo.

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@alexbellos so jealous! It is my life's ambition to own one, and they're only getting rarer

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@JSlayerUK well, I never had MMR. Is that anecdotal enough to persuade you?

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my new can opener is magic. I don't like having paranormal kitchen utensils. It opened a can and I don't know how it did it and I'm scared.

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@rockhyrax aww, I could've got a Zuul reference in, couldn't I? Phooey!

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just found out I bought two 3-litre bottles of Summer Fruits squash instead of apple and blackcurrant because I'm colourblind. Might die.

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@divbyzero so you have to be at the right place at the right time for the Klein bottle opener to work?

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@nususteam how are the recycling percentages worked out?

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@Gelada it's more like maths gives a very satisfying definition of truth

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@Gelada well, it's better than "feely" truth. The idea that you can say "I know this fact, so what else do I know as a consequence"? is good

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@rockhyrax so what is the deal with hyraces?

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@peterrowlett have a play about with xThink Calculator: http://bit.ly/cfkeui . Windows 7 does maths input in Word as well if you've got it.

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## June

My flat has eccentric light fittings. Who knows where to get a lightbulb that looks like an onion with Marge Simpson's hairdo? It's dark :(

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@rockhyrax sleep in on leap days? If there's an extra day, one should be able to waive the right to use it.

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exam runtime is now under 2000 lines! Hooray for simple code! Boo to whatever the other guy was trying to do!

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@brittneybean so I looked up the paper that's based on, and I thought "their maths is very bad", and then I saw it was written by economists

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it's possible that Janelle Monae is the best woman. Initial assessments point towards yes http://is.gd/cA0mp

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@JSlayerUK does it count as part of the Palace?

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@JSlayerUK whoops, that was what I was going to have tonight. Maybe I'm a bit depressed though

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@JSlayerUK I agree 120%. The extra 20% is because Alice Lowe has joined the cast and she is so nice

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I have learned tonight: proper cajun seasoning is in no way a substitute for fajita spices; old el paso guacamole tastes like late trains

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@rockhyrax trains that arrive late - disappointing, but just what you expect, really

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@standupmaths sudoku *is* the 'more than' puzzle - it used to be all crosswords

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@aperfect that logo is very bad, and what they do to it further down the page is worse

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who has Red Dead Redemption for the xbox? This internet ain't big enough for all of us, let's have a shootout tonight.

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@richieb85 my gamertag is ChristianP, I will be playing online later

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the thing that EDI have spent two years not knowing how to do I have just done in 2 hours! MY MIND IS EXPLODING DUE TO TOO MUCH GENIUS

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@rockhyrax EDI are the company up in Scotland we're working with, making online maths exams using SCORM. I've made randomised questions work

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@rockhyrax we don't even get round people looking at the answers in the page source! The plan is to have locked-down PCs for real exams.

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@rockhyrax no, C/Basic-like syntax. That was the other clever thing I did earlier in the year! It renders as latex though, through mathjax

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mathematicians: how do you think one should LaTeX an integer times a fraction? 3 \times \frac{1}{2}, or, 3(\frac{1}{2}), or what?

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@rockhyrax still didn't understand the hyrax love, but now remember koalas have same effect on me. Might go and find my Koala Kate cassette

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@rockhyrax this http://is.gd/cGcFH (unhelpful link). My dad brought it back fro Oz when I was tiny. It was my favourite cassette!

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@badmachinery the whole time this story's been on I didn't realise "good boy" could refer to a dog! You've made this maths phd feel v.stupid

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@rockhyrax I can't in good faith join your group, can't see the appeal of hyraces, esp. compared to koalas. Also I can't write on your wall?

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@brittneybean @aperfect I await the arrival of the first hands-free video call kit

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@rockhyrax well, it's greek, and 'hyraces' got past peer review: http://bit.ly/biINom

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@rockhyrax English is changing - viz. 'indexes' vs 'indices' is 3.6m to 2m on google scholar. Scholars are writing this! Scholars!

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@rockhyrax PS no clever retorts about the verb 'index'

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@rockhyrax men, geese and people everywhere are insulted!

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sausage beans sausage beans sausage beans SAUSAGE BEANS SAUSAGE BEANS

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considering writing "EDI are bad at everything" in morse code using tabs and spaces somewhere in my sourcecode.

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looking back, three jacket potatoes topped with a can of tuna, a lot of cheese and three rashers of bacon was never a realistic proposition

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@peterrowlett what do you know about adaptive assessment in online exams? That's my project next year for this SCORM thing at Newcastle

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@peterrowlett I think so. We might be gathering some people together to discuss standards. I can't invite you, but would you be interested?

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@peterrowlett okie doke, kein Problem. Have I shown you what I'm making? Example at http://is.gd/cKyZU - does that interest you?

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@ColinTheMathmo that's really interesting!

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Sitting in on Robin Johnson recording revision videos. Never meet your heroes.

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Confused a foreigner on the metro. To be fair, he confused me first. I think he got off at the right stop, so it was karma-neutral.

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@EATng does the foodie walk start at the castle keep behind the cathedral? My mum's convinced it starts at the civic centre

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@alexbellos tell him to sort out the camerawork in his video lectures. We've been watching his quantum computing series in our seminars

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ahhh itv commentator man don't talk about the "german gene kicking in" when they start winning, especially not when the player is polish

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Michael Schumacher needs a visit from Supernanny

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gosh, it might be time to download a matmos album. Especially as emusicsmas is two days away and I still have 14 downloads.

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@JSlayerUK you're winding yourself up. Distract yourself - compose a limerick about lembit opik, factorise a big number, take deep breaths

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@qikipedia: Today's B word: Beckets. The little loops on a pair of trousers or a raincoat for a belt to pass through

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@brittneybean very slick! but: the maths on crops seems odd, and I didn't build a road properly in the tutorial but it carried on anyway

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@brittneybean refreshed the page and it got stuck in an infinite loop of clouds when I clicked "start playing"

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I have exactly 13000 emails in my inbox! I will celebrate with Frosties

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turning the volume up for a good song, walking across the room to do some work, a bad song comes on after: unfortunate.

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using my telephone voice to comment on the LRB blog

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@standupmaths for the foreseeable future, non-checked shirts are not allowed, by order of the management

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I have found the one phrase, out of all possible phrases, most likely to amuse a 12-year-old: "sperm whale faeces absorb gas"

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@JSlayerUK oh, so true! You are like a modern day Peter Kay. Please tell me about more things I remember so I can laugh!

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@JSlayerUK I didn't have enough characters left to say not sarcastic! It genuinely did make me laugh

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@GreyAlien what do you recommend for "unpronounceable" and "unspellable"?

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@GreyAlien the correct answer was, "pretend you're Irish"

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@brittneybean your flattr button on trackinthebox says "error"

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Walking behind a trendier version of me. This isn't looking good. Oh, he's stopped to look at some fashionable clothes. The gap is growing!

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@JSlayerUK which app? beebplayer?

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someone call BP and tell them to forget about underwater robots - what I just dropped in the toilet will solve their problem

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@brittneybean I thought that site was about the NUFC player and got very confused.

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@alexbellos I'd never thought of using football matches to check the birthday paradox. It's almost exactly the right no of people!

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would I regret buying one of these paper birds? http://is.gd/cWChn

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@aperfect I don't know, previous bird-themed purchases have provided satisfaction

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why did I even bother buying cheap Tesco soup?

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@alexbellos I'm not a statistician, but analysing shared birthdays after the first round of group games will cause educative problems

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the Tories' impression of what is fair is vastly different to mine

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about to make it rain on www.alternativemeats.co.uk

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@NUSusTeam so it's something like recycled tonnes as a percentage of recyclable tonnes, or as a percentage of total waste?

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taking a shower shouldn't push the limits of perception, but every morning deciding how hot to make it prompts a metaphysical conundrum

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hoeren Sie mir und legen Sie Ihre Sombreros auf: BURRITOZEIT BEGINNT JETZT

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@JSlayerUK eat food until there is space in the fridge for the cake

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spent two hours shooting hundreds of federales on the xbox only for some 'dude' to shoot me in the face seconds before I got the achievement

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25!!! ♺ @BBCWeatherNorth: Temperatures up to 25C/77F by Sunday. Han B

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A chocolatier has opened on the high street next to the working men's club. Very posh! Will try some when I get back from my walk.

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ok amazon, if you insist, I will buy the Taschen edition of Byrne's Euclid for 40% less than the RRP.

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@Bishnavitch fight the good fight

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@hellobuglers to be fair Capello was hiding tactical advice in one of their clues: "Rasta friend greets Pauline's son (4-3-3)"

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@brittneybean cripes, that sounds like something out of the 19th century!

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@Bishnavitch what time does the film start? Having dinner with my mum tonight

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@Bishnavitch doesn't matter, I've now got to get my own dinner so will be at yours at 8:30. Can I use your parking space?

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@brittneybean I stared at the iwi logo too long and now it looks like the dude on the right is giving a huge backhand slap to the left guy

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It's here! http://tweetphoto.com/29834585

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@standupmaths aah! I just found out the word for that a few days ago and in a massive case of irony I've completely forgotten it!

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Why have I had a Rae Spoon song stuck in my head for two days? I don't even know the words, just some of the vowels

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oh man it's all going right for me right now! Chile con queso, SCORM object reporting scores properly, theorem proved, cowboys shot. Fab!

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@rockhyrax watermark, that's the ticket

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## July

The entertainer is on the metro. He goes "ding!" when the train does. Everybody is laughing. What a guy.

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@fumbleweeds what are cereal boxes made of over there? I have literally never had this problem.

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@rockhyrax the latter

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grigory perelman got 99 problems but the poincare conjecture ain't one

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@rockhyrax you're coming round, I knew you would!

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@aperfect apparently you need to go and see this http://www.twitvid.com/VE0Q3

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writing latex on the patio. It isn't really working for me.

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so I'm supporting Germany but I don't like ozil's face. What to do?

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@aperfect OH?

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@rockhyrax yes, but I forgot to close an environment and now my deck chair is all wet :(

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What kind of lazy barber is closed on a Monday? I'm starting to look like cousin It

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switched my paper to sans-serif. Not sure how my supervisor will react, but I'm prepared to fight for it.

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@JSlayerUK no, they get one vote which will decide the winner. Or, everyone gets candidates-1 votes, winners assumed to stay with same party

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@JSlayerUK hup Holland hup!!!

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Made the correct choice re coming home before the rain really starts

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somebody, like, lunge at me with a knife while explaining the definition of nilpotent to me so it sticks in my memory this time

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Another thing only emotional trauma will imprint on my memory is the order of the junctions on the A184

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@rockhyrax so not radically different from the current situation

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the whole chain of events leading to me sitting down to eat my dinner in front of the football has failed to happen. I'm hungry and confused

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@peterrowlett haven't read this but here you go http://arxiv.org/abs/0803.0150

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@rockhyrax it certainly makes them drawees if they ever do open again

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@MarcusduSautoy hey! you! marcus! we have got to talk / your convoluted verse structure / tends to prose as the length of the poem increases

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@MarcusduSautoy exactly 140 characters, or almost rhymes if you change start to "er, dork/ author!" but I didn't want to call you a dork

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@MarcusduSautoy never mind, just noticed I missed out the 3. Will stop spamming you now.

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@aperfect is that where those dirigible penguins were?

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The rain has made the midgies hatch, and this spider has caught so many I worry it hasn't git enough brains to know when to stop eating

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ok real mathematicians, forget pi day, we can celebrate pigeon-hole day! http://is.gd/dndrG

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"The gourmet chocolate pizza company" - you couldn't make it up! It's the middle classes gone mad!

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@Htbaa are you just trying to wear out your hash key?

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@alexbellos aha! time for me to dig this up: http://is.gd/drwLS I find it very useful as an explanation of the general idea

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@brittneybean http://is.gd/drBZt

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take that, bag of cookies! There was only room for one of us in this town, but happily there was room for all of you in my tummy

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@nulibsage I have yet to encounter a Springer article in a journal the uni has subscribed to. Are they just too expensive?

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"tarski" and "high school algebra problem" is the biggest juxtaposition in maths I can think of http://tinyurl.com/3898t45

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@GreyAlien oh no! I even tried telling facebook I was a girl to get rid of the tacky dating ads. Is there no safe configuration?

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@Gelada @standupmaths does hornby sound enough like corby to make the obvious pun?

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@nulibsage no, I know which journals I want, but we don't subscribe to them!

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New mathem-o-blog post: Computable categories (http://bit.ly/cmjjvs)

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@nulibsage I haven't been keeping a list, but "lecture notes in computer science" (1980) was the last one

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@Htbaa it's good to see he's reaching out to foreigners? That's a first step?

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@Electrokittie but Saturday Saturday Saturday!!!

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@Electrokittie !!! That is a brilliant idea

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@Htbaa yeah, we banned him from coming over here

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@Htbaa he's got one thing going for him, that his name being on the news taught me how the Dutch pronounce the letter G

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@rockhyrax well, the story's quite interesting, actually...

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New mathem-o-blog post: Lists and finite trees are $E_3$ (http://bit.ly/a1gKPQ)

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ploughing through my unfinished blog posts because I am so done with pregroups

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@JSlayerUK last time I had that done, I met an old school friend on the street afterwards. It's very hard to not look crazy in that state

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@aperfect genetically, I am glad I only got autism and not hayfever from mum and dad

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@fatfieldfoodie bought streaky bacon 2 for 1, and some posh bbq sauces. I think I was too early, some stands were empty

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@JSlayerUK woooooow, those are really good!

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I have basically no decisions to make about what to eat for the next week or so

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@Alternativemeat bbq yesterday was a big success. Impala sausages were the consensus favourite, but I didn't get any!

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opulence: using charbonnel et walker and clotted cream ice cream to make a chocolate milkshake

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should I make a mockery of amazon prime by ordering a 79p box of chalk to be delivered tomorrow by special delivery? Tempted!

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@GreyAlien that was the temptation! Such enormous pointlessness is like performance art

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@rockhyrax I used no sugar. Is that something you're meant to do? I just sort of blended everything together and it was ok, I suppose.

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Fol Chen's "In Ruins" sounds like the intro theme to a totally kickin' 80s movie

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@JSlayerUK that puts you one up on Dick Cheney

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aaaaaahhh! Why do we not subscribe to the journal of mathematical sciences?! WE'RE A MATHS DEPARTMENT

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@Amy1306 at least you're not male

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New mathem-o-blog post: Infinite trees are $E_3$ (maybe) (http://bit.ly/9l94cP)

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@rockhyrax YES. I have to start one of those now.

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came into uni to be productive; left my usb stick at home; sheesh

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finished Limbo. Good, but not worth a tenner

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@Bishnavitch potentially, if it's a late-ish showing

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@peterrowlett now I want to make a Magic Pi picture. Maybe it could be a mobius strip, for full maths art cliche effect.

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for the first time since the Little Ice Age, my flat is warmer than the air outside it

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If this old man was a transformer his name would be Insane-o-plex and his special power would be creeping me out

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Time for Jardine's cowboy kettle chilli yesssssss

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@GreyAlien ahh, I'd always wondered about that! oil change places are everywhere in the US

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In mourning for Tanfastic, the shop with the best name

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@aperfect god damn it I made that joke last weekend!

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@aperfect in front of bish, discussing wraps

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I have had to deplete my Strategic Reserve of pound coins because domino's isn't taking card payment. I might regret this.

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@JSlayerUK you don't need people, you need Soupy Norman

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just realised last letter of my bank password needs to be a repeat because it only appears in the last box, so could be deduced

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@rockhyrax much more mundane - my wallet doesn't have a coins bit, but I buy a sandwich every day for lunch, so pounds accumulate

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@JSlayerUK if you're considering it, don't bother with Gordon Ramsey's Plane Food. It's only so-so.

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@alexbellos I think so; that rings a bell... (pun ENTIRELY intended)

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@rockhyrax what's going on, are you playing a mad combinatoric variant of musical chairs?

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the best thing ever! RT @divbyzero: RT @pickover: Please enjoy this shiny fractal cow. http://bit.ly/cvCEDA

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people who drive in the middle lane are why democracy can never work

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Misery Bear has a day off http://youtu.be/t3e9rc1PueI

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## August

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@beefok anon functions alone are worthwhile but haskell is like writing pure maths. Lots of clever optimisations can be done by FP compilers

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@ColinTheMathmo it was underneath a Dan Brown book. That was the bit I found hardest to believe in the whole episode

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This woman's handbag looks like the oogie boogie man.

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and I thought "Genuine all-over tan 'an impossibility'" was going to be an application of the hairy ball theorem http://tinyurl.com/25av34j

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@brittneybean doesn't seem to work. After I click play, nothing happens

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Making eye contact with people would be a lot easier if I could tell when they are making eye contact with me

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@fumbleweeds I'll swap you. It's all overcast and horrible here. I had the heating on this morning!

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The rabbits in the park are so bad at hiding. Where have the birds of prey gone?

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@brittneybean giraffe is mine, hands off. On my wall it would say without words, "a tall man lives here, but don't worry, he's into cuddles"

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@brittneybean I'm ok with that as long as his middle name is Raphael, so his rapper name would be G-Raf.

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@brittneybean every now and then I consider complaining about a song but then I get a sense of perspective and do something worthwhile

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my computer's failing in a very cinematic way - the sound is going all mechanical, graphics are jumbled up, but nothing has stopped working

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@peterrowlett you could mention the release of MathJax, which will help maths on the web a lot. It's sponsored by the AMS, Elsevier, etc.

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catching up on five years of PC games. Where to start?

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@Bishnavitch curry. What's wrong with you, that's not a hard choice.

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@GreyAlien that was the last game I bought!

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@alexbellos if you can check an answer to a question in not too long, does that mean that you can find the answer in a similar timescale?

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Two women, both wearing weird asymmetric work trousers but normal casual tops, waiting for the metro. What?

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@alexbellos yes P = probs s.t. solns can be found in poly time, NP probs s.t. solns can be checked in poly time. P is in NP, but is NP in P?

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@alexbellos oh dear. @standupmaths 's job is safe.

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@brittneybean apart from the super mario bros theme, which is the achievement of our age, Outcast had a good score

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@brittneybean ahhh I take it back! I forgot Monkey Island! http://bit.ly/dmURvO

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@aperfect that's cheating, it's film music!

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@aperfect ok, I concede. Can't spend time arguing, busy looking for a lynx emulator

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@aperfect "even the Guardian"?!

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fixed three really small bugs today, good work. Now I will play games until my eyes have a serviceable map of q3dm17 imprinted on them

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going to make a sarky comment on a facebook post but can't find the crucial corroborating evidence to back it up. Victorian txtspeak anyone?

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to expand: fairly sure it was a metafilter post about txtspeak-like abbreviations in wide use in 18/19th C letters, with famous examples

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Yes! The champion difficulty space in Eldon garden multi-storey was free. There should be an Xbox achievement for using it

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me to Max: "don't wear shoes, dog!" Where does he get his ideas from?

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@brittneybean the Naked and Famous: Larry Flynt has that Venn diagram on a stained glass window in his office

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@MathJax ah! can fonts be stored on a separate server and not break cross-site scripting rules? that helps a lot!

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@Bishnavitch I thought I had fast-forwarded five year and I had become a bigoted professor. Is Dr Christian off that street doctors thing?

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@aperfect yes

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The dog is suspiciously cooperative today, and I doubt that my lectures on the value of collaboration were what turned him

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@GreyAlien because the IR light is weaker, so by pressing harder we're holding it down for longer, so light has greater chance of being seen

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@GreyAlien depending on the remote, the contact on the button could also be flaky

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a search engine for recipe videos: http://cookblast.com/

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tomorrow we'll be talking about 2010's top painted rodents in the Art Rat Chart Chat #newcultureshowsegments

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someone's subscribing to my Interesting Esoterica maths collection on Mendeley! Now I feel pressure to find more papers

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@divbyzero have a look at www.mathjax.org - yeah it isn't built in to the browser but it's ace and supports all of amsmath

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@brittneybean windows live mail. Good point - they're not there on the web interface

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I lost my place while cleaning my teeth and ended up just brushing teeth at random until it felt like two minutes had elapsed

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@alexbellos tl;dr: Efalex - suppliers of brainboosting omega supplements - sponsored his latest creation

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@brittneybean my complaints about that article's logic last longer than a tweet

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@aperfect it doesn't even make any sense, it's meant to be a page with the corner folded

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incompletipedia: article titles ending in an ellipsis: http://j.mp/c5skcK

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@peterrowlett just saw a very old book in Sedbergh on that subject. Bought another Hazel Perfect group theory book instead though

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Being stalked by a van from wessington cryogenics. In stasis, no one can hear you scream for 80 years or so

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that's nice, Vexed is very funny. I'll watch it from now on

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@Electrokittie which is why you're now an Avon lady?

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I need to get myself a tube of Eczemate, the only skin moisturiser endorsed by five reigning grandmasters

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@aperfect yeah I'm amazed you've never heard of it. It's some guy's petty revenge for Mt Rushmore being scraped out of a sacred mountain

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@aperfect do you get any nihilists turning up?

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@trackinthebox I played Parov Stelar at a party last year and it got a stonier reception than an Iranian adultress

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@Alternativemeat I prefer to view the ageing process as me continually setting Personal Bests for time spent on Earth

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@brittneybean the moves he starts pulling at 1:24 are deadly serious.

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11pm Wednesday radio 4 comedy is my favourite time, wavelength and genre combo http://beta.bbc.co.uk/i/tgf1c

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@MEIMaths extremely useful, thanks!

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@JSlayerUK Pizza Hut have been in trouble for quite a while now. They've just started making real pizzas again though, so who knows

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@Electrokittie that's the most FFs I've ever seen. Is that your whole friends list?

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@Electrokittie oh, but thanks for including me

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@brittneybean also The Discretionary Purchases

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I flipped all the pogs but they wouldn't let me keep them :(

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yuk, I am using my old bluetooth mouse and it's like all my pointing desires are put through an "if you were old and infirm" filter

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automatically find your next prime birthday(s) http://j.mp/93Psj6 @standupmaths @peterrowlett (will add explanatory text later)

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@rockhyrax just had a look into allowing sequences from the OEIS but they don't have a nice API which gives enough elements

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@Gelada feel free to re-use my javascript prime birthdays thing (http://j.mp/93Psj6) on primebirthday.org. It's very simple.

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aaarh, now that's a third conference happening while I'm on holiday!

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@standupmaths not undetectable, they told manufacturer how to detect & avoid it before they published. It's just a man-in-the-middle attack

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@tynesidecinema please could you fix it for me so tynesidecinema.com redirects to www.tynesidecinema.com? It's always annoyed me

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@alexbellos fairly sure I could make a necklace which could describe ALL of pi

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@brittneybean good music!

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## September

@badmachinery what's your policy on fixing typos? "bgger" in today's first panel if you are pro-amendment

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@aperfect oh it's a problem with your phone is it?

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@MarcusduSautoy that means set of uninteresting numbers is not well-defined, not that it is empty

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@rockhyrax vanilla assassin. Be afraid

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@JSlayerUK his face would probably benefit from a collision. No, that's harsh. Helmets aren't a legal requirement: http://j.mp/cAPUNa

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@JSlayerUK yes that's important, but slightly inappropriate statistic. Replace women with 'world's pooreest X %' and you'd get similar

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@JSlayerUK that's a fair compromise

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is it just TeX that turns the letters 'fi' into a ligature which can't be copied and pasted correctly, or all PDFs? IT ANNOYS CP SO MUCH

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I've been adding lots to my Interesting Esoterica mendeley collection recently: http://j.mp/cf8240

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New mathem-o-blog post: Some notation for FPAs and HNN extensions (http://bit.ly/9vqLDu)

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@Electrokittie you use THE MOST!!

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why does windows think that the same mouse plugged into a different usb port is a different device?

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what do you call people from Essex? Essecians? Anyway, I will start a company selling them glassware and call it "Verre Good"

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This man has "TOON ARMY" tattooed across his knuckles in a very fetching Gill Sans. Aspirational tattooist or style-conscious hooligan?

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@fumbleweeds "sandwiches which will prevent you from ever being able to open your mouth again"?

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@brittneybean not really

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@peterrowlett 12:34:56 is a valid, and better, time

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@peterrowlett sheesh you know when you tweet something then instantly regret it? I forgot about seven

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Super Monkey Cube #northkoreanvideogames

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@brittneybean I would also prefer if 20% of my wages went to Jax, the best Mortal Kombat character

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@HilariousCow isn't that just called a stable system?

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@brittneybean unmix: skillful dissection of a song into its component influences

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@RachaelBailes free food? macbook? Here we get to listen to construction all day, and I'm paying for the privilege

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@HilariousCow it applies to your wall jumping thing though. Mario kart is engineered to be chaotic, or consider dice wars vs Risk

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Sat opposite a thinner, ambiguously-aged Clare Balding lookalike who'd struggle to be heard amongst dormice. What job can she possibly do?

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Off on holiday now, bye!

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I am not linguistically equipped to operate in catalunya

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Hooray, finally humanity has advanced enough to provide a PAYG sim with decent internet. And in crazy Spain, too!

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http://plixi.com/p/45287289 nachos coyote, gone before I could blog them

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Fairly sure it was the lemur that was made in God's image

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@tynesidecinema a town called panic? In English? I will round up the troops!

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euronews' "No comment" is top. 3 unedited minutes of prince William flying a sea king was more satirical than anything Bremner could manage

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@Rosalot I thought you were a mackem?

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@peterrowlett was going to tell you something interesting about symmetry and the Alhambra, but it's completely sold out. Wasted holiday!

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No tickets available for the Alhambra and I've got food poisoning. Poo.

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Cuboid walks into a bar. Barman says, "why the long face?"

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Chia pets are the topiates of the masses

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@divbyzero not to my knowledge. Geometry hasn't really had the pop-sci treatment at all, apart from golden ratio kooks

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@peterrowlett I started with diagrams on mine - tesseract, sierpinski, etc

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@divbyzero yes, maths teachers have been overly optimistic about what is well-known since time immemorial

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The man next to me is not happy with his career choices. He is expressing this by playing games on his blackberry and sighing a lot. How sad

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Oh no I've become one of those people who gets up ten minutes before the train stops. Blackberry man's awful worldview has contaminated me

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@divbyzero thanks for that, added to my interesting erotica collection

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@divbyzero sorry, was in reply to you sending me "misconceptions about the golden ratio" ages ago. I've just got back from holiday

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@divbyzero oh god, just realised I typed erotica and not esoterica!! Oh dear oh dear!

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Bresenham's algorithm and crossing Northumberland street when it's busy, theory and applications. C Perfect, 2010

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esoterica enthusiasts: some Cambridge types built a set of logic gates from a model railway, but I can't find a reference. Does anyone know?

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If this woman thinks she can walk faster than me, she needs to reevaluate. Bonus points for trying it with a week's shopping in hand though

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@ProfKinyon thanks for that anyway, I'm writing a talk on Turing completeness in odd places, so that will make an appearance

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## October

@MEIMaths 227 is a more imminently achievable pi-related goal

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mum just described Darlo as "down South". That's right.

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@peterrowlett on my Spanish holiday I didn't see the alhambra but I did see the magic square on the sagrada familia: http://j.mp/94FBiu

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Dear Messrs Everybody: I want to wear interesting clothes, but am extremely enormous. Suggestions please. Yrs from way up high, Christian

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How do Galaxy benefit from me 100% fancying the woman in their ad? Like, I'd buy her some if I met her, seems she enjoys it, but otherwise..

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ahhhhh rubik's deja-cube! I've just shuffled it into the exact same position as the last time! CAN'T HANDLE IT

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@JSlayerUK your last tweet is magic and I have informed the Witchfinder General

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@theyellowstereo it's not a laugh track, it's a live audience

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English tests to gain citizenship are terrible and wrong, but I would advocate the compulsory removal of soulpatches

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@divbyzero the sad thing is, they know the kind of people who dislike that ad are outnumbered by those who like it. They've done the math :(

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@Electrokittie are you basing this on the new bit of Eldon Square, which is right next to where lots of chinese people live?

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@Gelada I was really just going for a bit of irony with "do the math". The advert doesn't bother me

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A Town Called Panic is on at the Tyneside on Friday. I am looking for people to see it with. http://j.mp/9NOjfg

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@MarcusduSautoy was that copied out of a PDF? Sadly, my first thought on reading was about the missing fi ligature.

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There is a dude on the metro wearing a bandana and fingerless gloves, as if Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3: Turtles In Time never happened

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new mathem-o-blog post: Disappointing Stationery http://j.mp/bFD82X

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@rockhyrax are these what I think they are? http://j.mp/a2xaC3

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@rockhyrax at Bioparc in Valencia. It was a very friendly place for all sorts of animals. No koalas though :(

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@brittneybean but they support kiva! It's microloans! A payday loans site would have a background the colour of old tobacco

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mathmos: never forget the debt we owe to bankers (pun so intended). The maths behind making www.wonga.com look good to laymen must be hard

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@WongaWoman I meant the maths you do to calculate your prices. Understanding of power series etc was motivated by banking

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@Bishnavitch I hope you have one in XXL

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pepsi are running a competition where a camera is given away every 10 minutes. Don't enter at lunchtime with the masses, so when is best?

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@aperfect so not that, then. I am getting everyone's choices so I can rule them out. 4am is very popular

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@aperfect so 3:50 is the logical choice

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google keeps teelling me I'm sending automated requests because Google Instant is turned on

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while I was away, Northumberland's Most Ginormous Spider looked after the flat for me http://post.ly/12Vd2

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dear the priest who decided gaelic 'v' should be written 'mh' : why did you do that.

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@Gelada are you doing maker faire again next year? I'd be willing to lend a hand if you are

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has everybody in the world's msn account been hacked?

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@peterrowlett @MarcusduSautoy 's www.mangahigh.com really is very good

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@RachaelBailes seriously though / second year's a horror show / get your bum in gear

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@brittneybean I thought you were winding up Belgians again

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doing some old-school mousing with my beloved wireless intellimouse explorer. Why did I ever leave you?

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@peterrowlett aaaaah I really want to go to that! Why must I live in the clean, friendly, cheap north?

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@brittneybean don't worry, in 10,000 years Science will be able to make you sane again

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@tynesidecinema has anyone said a town called panic yet? But only if I get to be the crossing guard. He's got everything in that shed.

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@trackinthebox I wish to show my appreciation for good tracks, but am not obnoxious enough to post to facebook. Could you add a like button?

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Worried my last words will be tedious, so "Rosebud" means more morphine and "this is the last of earth! I am content" means change my bedpot

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@tynesidecinema did one better than RTing - I emailed the whole uni maths department. I may or may not go myself

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@brittneybean is that like half a Yakoff Smirnoff joke?

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dried yeast is like the essence of tiny insects in a powder . It loves sugar! Straight away it's like MNYUMNUMNYUM

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My daily routine is in exact syncopation with the metro timetable

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@tynesidecinema maths department trip update: the timing of the play conflicts with the pure maths seminar. Sorry!

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Pigeon pecked at a lost malteser. Didn't like it, continued on its way.

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geometers: is there such a thing as like a bezier curve on a sphere's surface, using maybe quaternions?

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@beefok do you know any unlikely turing-complete machines? I'm compiling a list for a talk I'm givin in january?

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@beefok oh no too many question marks? I didn't mean to do that?

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why does my kitchen smell of melons? There are no melons in my kitchen

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@Bishnavitch what is the plan today? Can I come over to yours beforehand? I don't know where the showing place is

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@divbyzero I don't know about that, it sort of looks like a fractal black armband already

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It suddenly occurred to me while shaving to leave the mustache on. That was a scary thought.

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Not pleased with the number of people for whom retro fashion means dressing like the worst person in the 80s

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@HilariousCow I've just been doing lots of quaternion stuffin BlitzMax. I could write a post on my maths-code blog if you'd like

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@HilariousCow well, I'm a professional mathematician, so I can probably help you with that

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@HilariousCow do you still use your msn account? I can't DM you.

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@Htbaa truth

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@fumbleweeds it means you won't be seeing any grey squirrels for a while

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Hey, @alltheworldschocolate, get over here.

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@trackinthebox could you please at least spell-check take-overs, viz. yesterday's post

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@JSlayerUK bravo!

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FESH AN CHEPS !!!

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new mathem-o-blog post: some awful maths jokes http://checkmyworking.com/?p=269

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@fumbleweeds as a geordie, I must be transatlantically outraged at anyone wearing more than a t-shirt and shorts in that weather

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my sinuses seem to be competing for the job of digestive tract. Is this the Big Society? Eggy nostrils aren't in the coalition agreement

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@brittneybean I'm colourblind

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@tynesidecinema sorry, I've got a thing on tonight

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@Bishnavitch sounds like a Samuel Pepys diary: filed insurance papers then to Newcastle where I saw Mr MUTHURANGU flip some 20 stairs

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was the transylvania lottery conceived just so maths lecturers can have an example application of the fano plane?

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hooray! > @nulibsage: We're trialling the Springer ebooks collection. Explore 20,000 titles at http://j.mp/ahrg4q

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there's a pretty tasty pizza in the oven. Will update if it turns out it *is* possible to put too much chicken and bacon on

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tonight's episode of White's was like any insufferable indie film of the past decade

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@Bishnavitch no update necessary, more evidence there is no such thing as too much chicken and bacon

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I made like a cargo cult sandwich. There's no need for tomato to be in a coronation chicken sandwich but I put it in because the shop does

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@Bishnavitch I don't think even skinheads would be in the mood to do anything bad the way this match is going

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@standupmaths The Good Soldier Svejk (unlikely to be in a railway waterstone's) or Jose Saramago

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@Martinmagnusson you haven't really; what if dropbox goes bust?

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@brittneybean that would be cutting right in to the product they're trying to create

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## November

Can't be doing with this. I've got Bell's palsy, of all things. Good grief!

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@JSlayerUK it's what you have to have in bizarro-world prison

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@kenfodder you can have my htc magic when I finally manage to get an upgrade

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oh dear I have eaten chocolate instead of dinner

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@brittneybean were they the ones with the sexy cover art and nothing else a while ago?

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man if I wanted to hear So What then I wouldn't be listening to radio nova

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"In an ambulance. Agency will provide new clown. Dictated but not read. BONZO" - most tragic text?

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about.com is like wikipedia but with "As a mother," prepended to every article

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@monsterthreads just got your mad discountravaganza email. I will spend lots with you if you make XXL Guys things

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Phrasebook for the linguistics professor's new cleaner. Schwa: shower. Diphthong: bidet.

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@nilium just got an Android 2.2 phone so I bought your wallpaper thingy. It's nice!

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@peterrowlett Rosza Peter is a good candidate - did lots of good working in computability

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@peterrowlett oh, I had forgotten what the post is about! Just treated on my phone without looking

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engineers: if another one of you uses 'O' as the name of a variable which could equal 0, I will just give up. No more help from me.

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does anyone know if it's possible to obtain this t-shirt http://j.mp/ap0UeA in the UK or Europe?

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@JSlayerUK sorry, have we been annoying you lately? I'll pass a memo round at the next meeting

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@jefferickson some top tweets today, keep it up!

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Ive always wondered why the old lady upstairs needs a car. It turns out she drives it across the road to the metro station

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@aperfect what's wrong with that? It's quite a nice sculpture.

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@aperfect what's wrong with that? It's a nice sculpture, and the video both explained the "algorithmic" bit and was nice to watch

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Saw a girl in a @monsterthreads hoodie. It was good.

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I just recommended Bleak Expectations - Series 4 http://bbc.in/btsxPQ

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@brittneybean welcome to the club; your membership card got lost in the wash. I'm sure you understand

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@mathpunk that depends on if the Infinite Taco is well-defined. If it's full of mystery meat from a sketchy streetvendor, you've got a point

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"a confident, shotgun-wielding young woman"

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it tastes like there's raw meat in this sandwich

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thai green curry: not for cp

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my breadmaker is keeping time with Kermit Ruffins pretty much perfectly. So bourgeois.

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@brittneybean there are so many problems with bitcoin

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@brittneybean so many that, like, whuffie has more merit as a concept

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I just had a like 30 minute dream about dogs and the iPhone, all for a pun which didn't even work in the end. I want a refund.

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Angles this girl is beautiful from, in radians: pi. Reason for same: pie.
Sorry, that girl doesn't really exist, I'm not that shallow.

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@guardianscience "math"?

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little known fact: henri poincare's head could split in half to reveal the bizarre shape of space: http://j.mp/bH2S4h

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@aperfect HOW CAN YOU SEE ME YOU'RE MILES AWAY AAAAA

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@JSlayerUK don't worry, most of the money goes to music execs and shareholders who were always Tories anyway

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@Electrokittie "Alasia" sounds like an airline with a patch safety record

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Recorded a miserable DNQ in today's 500m Banana Transport. Dropped my bag at the last moment; banana sustained a crowd-pleasing instant KO

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@JSlayerUK nope

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@JSlayerUK the only response that provoked in me is: WHEEEEEEE! I'm rich, white and male! Wahey! What's troubling you? gtalk me or whatnot

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@joemanaco http://j.mp/f2wV7Z was indispensable to me, especially the Best Tips page http://j.mp/gU4DtY

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I think I've got Stockholm syndrome with Bill. It's maths time and all I can think of is work to do on the web exam thing

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@Bishnavitch have you changed your train ticket or not?

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@JSlayerUK aughh, why do I always have to learn about bad policy from you? It is causing bad psychological connections to be formed

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Driving in the snow was a challenge

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@HilariousCow intrinsic: the noise when you pick up food in wolfenstein 3d. Extrinsic: xbox achievements

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If I'd gone to a posher school, I would've started a third-wave ska/punk band called "Cave Diem, Carpe Canem"

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I love cabinet magazine, I really do.

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Parallel Parking on Ice might not be Disney's next song and dance spectacular but it is my new favourite hobby

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How does cress get away with having such tiny leaves? What's its game? Is it really a plant?

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I've just discovered you can drag a shape in google calendar to create an event! Now I will have more time to do the things I put in there!

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so now I know how much dust my hoover picks up in a year

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The panda hat is the new Ugg boot. I've seen more people wearing one in the past two days than I can handle. Where do they come from?

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OSS 117: Cairo, Nest of Spies. Tonight, 9pm, BBC Four. Every single person watch it, please.

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seriously everybody: OSS 117, BBC Four, now.

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Well done, skater kids, for finding somewhere dry to skate on the day your school is closed because of the snow

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my knee is moments away from dislocating completely

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OK, don't be angry, but I've made the best sandwich. It doesn't make yours any worse, it's just that mine is better.

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because my Dad can't go, he's given me his tickets to I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue on the 8th of Dec. Who would like to go? I have 4 tickets

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## December

@MagBilliardsDev does the finger lift fix involve using the position from say 50ms before the finger-up event?

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Dear All: please stop emailing me for a bit. I'm trying to think

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@Electrokittie plus or minus. You use it when there are two solutions to an equation

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@brittneybean Esperanza Spalding is a really really good jazz singer. She has an eponymous album which you maybe need to get right now

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@brittneybean you will like this though

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Slow Club finally understands partial isometries and Cuntz-Krieger algebras. Medals all round!

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@aperfect call that snow? You've gone soft!

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@aperfect holy quick reply, Batman! 25 seconds!

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found a spade; cleared path to front door; old lady upstairs came down to say thankyou. So that settles whether she died in the cold or not

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I've started using Texmaker with synctex to automatically scroll the PDF preview to what I'm writing. I miss vim shortcut keys though.

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@brittneybean I only found it because I'm sure you've done James Blake's Feist cover twice. Wasn't it in like the first week you did?

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@brittneybean Apparently so!

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@JSlayerUK opinions for opinions' sake?

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Why have the royal mail not cleared their own driveway?

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@HilariousCow is that a diet one can consciously follow?

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@standupmaths next we'll discover that some pharma company is selling them mechanical integrators at 1200% markup

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Last call: who would like to see I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, the funny radio programme, at City Hall 6pm on Wednesday?

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@Bishnavitch no, 4pm wednesday! I can't do 2-4

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@Bishnavitch ok then

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@Bishnavitch no, I'm seeing I'm sorry I haven't a clue after. Do you want to come?

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My gcse maths tutor came out with some top algebra today: what is P divided by 2? "J and a half"

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I of course meant my gcse maths _tutee_

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Oh dear, recruiters: please be a little bit clever about how your targeted marketing works, or I can do things like this http://j.mp/gtL4pB

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@brittneybean I have thought of a social network game based on sorting mail. Is that more or less tedious than farming? Is more better?

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What's the point of this site? http://www.working-days-left.com/

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beginning to have a bit of a freak out that javascript is not type-safe. Maybe my code doesn't need to be *that* error-resistant.

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my heating won't come on! So cold

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@ColinTheMathmo: the page is giving 404 for me, but if it's the stained glass window with the Julia set in, it's a coincidence

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has there ever been a natural explosion on earth sufficiently powerful to propel something decently-sized into space?

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@GreyAlien thanks for that

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It's all gone! The BBC say some places heated up by 20 degrees last night. We get to miss the horrible icechaton stage, hooray!

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@divbyzero @TeXtip I feel the Journal of Unpublishable Mathematics will benefit from this tip.

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In 1933, during a lecture on quantum mechanics by Werner Heisenberg, Piet Hein invented the soma cube puzzle. Dude had his priorities right.

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At age 12, Piet's son Jotun proved that a certain shape was impossible to make with the soma pieces, by a parity argument.

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Uncle Ben's risotto: bad or worst?

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@aperfect They are from my Strategic Reserve. I am quite ill, but I think I'll stick with sausage beans from now on

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@peterrowlett fairly sure they mention it in the In Our Time programme on Archimedes, but there's no text search. Trust wikipedia

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what's the deal with Tesco sending me my password in plaintext?

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@JSlayerUK but he should try not to do that in Qatar

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can someone write a program which analyses Tesco online and lists all the things where the multipack is more expensive, for shame purposes?

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I think I misunderstood the concept of dvds when I bought my collection. I've just rejected every one I own because I've already seen them.

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@aperfect Special Tactice is of course the name of Vladimir Putin's line of fragrances

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who thought that Quake 3 on the Xbox would be a good idea?

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@brittneybean Paul Graham is the Roger Federer of writing 10k words on a thesis that was flawed from the first paragraph.

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interactive geometry in javascript http://jsxgraph.uni-bayreuth.de/wp/ I am so happy

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@Electrokittie seek justice in small claims court!

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bugs are always in the last line you look, but when that line has a comment "THIS IS A HUGE BUG, FIX IT SOON", you can only blame yourself

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Wakey uppy number 3 and it still isn't even 8am. I want to have more dreams about Japanese Dr who!

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@peterrowlett bad news: it looks like 'math' outdid 'maths' for a lot of history: http://bit.ly/dElkT2

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there might as well be a new christmas song http://heideckerandwood.com/

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Is anyone else's mum having trouble understanding why the latest car reg is 60 and not 50?

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Roast dinner of genus 6 http://bit.ly/hOPXAU

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@standupmaths I always thought shaving was something I would start doing when I was old and responsible

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@Electrokittie straight back atcha!

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Woke up at 8 with the yoshi theme in my head, have been humming it continuously ever since. Decided to start adding in sound effects

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